Adventures with the Tooth Fairy

This week Casey has been out of town which means I've been home playing the single parent role.  My oldest bonus kiddo had three teeth pulled while dad's been gone, so I was able to experience my first real encounters as the tooth fairy.  It was... well... interesting.  

Here's the deal... By the time the boys got into bed, I was pretty dang tired myself.  I'd worked all day, picked up the boys from their after school care, and then we volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House by making the current residents dinner.  By the time we got home, we had enough time to eat dinner, play a little, then go right to bed.  That's where I discovered my first "I don't like you" moment with the tooth fairy.  While the boys were soundlessly dozing off, I was contemplating exactly how long I would need to stay up in order to successfully complete my tooth fairy tasks without being caught.  The thing is, our oldest is a very heavy sleeper.  We always find him sideways or upside down in his bed; having moved multiple times while sleeping but never actually waking up.  He's really good at it.  But it kind of takes him forever to get to that point.  Which means I was going to have to stay up twice as long to ensure I wouldn't be seen.  Thank you tooth fairy.  

Tooth fairy 1- Corey 0

My second issue was that typically our oldest kiddo was just too dang cool for something as childish as the tooth fairy (cue the eye rolling).  But you better believe, when he realized he had not one, but three teeth to offer up to the tooth fairy gods in exchange for some extra cash, he was pretty excited.  As soon as we made it home from the Ronald McDonald house he said "Corey, I need to go put my teeth under my pillow for the tooth fairy, I wonder how much money she'll bring me for three teeth."  Oy vey.  He remembered.  And he mentioned the money.  Alright tooth fairy... how in the world do you decide how much money to give in exchange for a certain number of teeth?  And is there a caveat for if they just fall out of your head vs. getting yanked out?  I feel like there should be.  The other problem though, is that some time in the distant past, when our oldest lost his first tooth, the tooth fairy accidentally slipped him a $20.  Yes.  You read that right.  A TWENTY!  What the heck, tooth fairy?  How can I possibly live up to those standards?  Sigh.

Tooth fairy 2- Corey 0

About an hour after I'd put the boys to bed I decided to make my first go at it.  All was quiet in the house, and I didn't know whether to feel really thankful for the peace or slightly worried that our oldest would be secretly awake and playing in his room.  Alas, as I tip-toed toward his room and put my ear against his door, I could hear the heavy breaths of a sleeping ten-year-old.  I was a mere 5 yards away from his little box filled with enamel hiding under his pillow.  I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned.  Only to discover it's the loudest, creakiest doorknob in the entire house.  How have I not noticed that before?  It sounded like a bull running through a china shop (okay, maybe that's exaggerating, but you get the point).  I quickly ducked and ran for cover back into the safety of my own room.  I turned out the light and crawled into bed hoping I'd gone unnoticed.  How could anyone sleep through that?!  I laid there in dark silence for an hour.  I checked the clock.  It'd been five minutes.  No one ever came to the door.  I was in the clear.  I flipped my light back on and began to read, deciding I would try again after a little while.

Tooth fairy 3 - Corey 0

My friend graciously made this interpretation of my ninja skills 

I finally made it into our eldest's room about 10:30pm, a good two hours after his bedtime.  By this time I could barely keep my eyes open and I fumbled a few times as I attempted to tip-toe back to the bedroom door.  Thankfully, during my previous attempt, I had left the door cracked open before I ran back to my own room.  I entered his room only to trip on something, probably some dirty underwear or socks -- these are items frequently scattered across his floor.  I felt like a stealthy ninja (only not so stealthy and definitely not so ninja-like) as I crossed the threshold and made it to his pillow.  I could hear him breathing, but nevertheless his head was not on the pillow like it should be.  This should have excited me -- easy access to the goods.  Instead, it creeped me out.  Have you ever been able to hear someone breathe and NOT know where they're at in the room?  Yeah.  That was this kind of moment.  I felt the hairs on my arms raise as I imagined being watched by someone and unable to see them.  What if his eyes were open and he was watching me?  What if he jumps out at me and I drop a bad word bomb?  What if...  My skin was crawling.  After I quieted my mind from all the potential (and incredibly invalid considering my child is not a serial killer) thoughts of what could go wrong,  I reached under the pillow and found... nothing.  Yes ma'am, it took me a good five tries to locate the box.  I quickly swapped the box for the $5 bill I had decided on and got out of dodge.  

Tooth fairy 3 - Corey 1

The next morning I was feeling pretty good about myself and waited for the boys to join me at the kitchen table for breakfast.  It wasn't long before I heard the panicked tone of our ten-year-old saying "Corey, did you take my teeth last night?"  What?! Oh no. I've been caught.  He saw me.  How do I keep him from blurting out the truth while his little brother is listening?  I decided to play dumb.  "I sure didn't honey, what's wrong?"  He replied "Well, I can't find my teeth anywhere. Where would they have gone?"  I'm silently thinking, well duh kiddo, the tooth fairy takes your teeth, didn't you know that?  Maybe he didn't see me after all.  "Well, if the teeth aren't there then the tooth fairy came last night," I said.  He seemed to contemplate that for a minute and then responded with "but I can't find my teeth."  Dude... that's how it works.  "Do you want me to help you look for them?"  He agreed so we set off toward his room.  In this entire exchange, he hadn't mentioned anything about gaining a fancy new $5 bill, so I kept my mouth shut.  We proceeded to tear his bedroom apart.  We shook out the blankets and pillows and took everything off his bed.  Finally I said "Well kiddo, looks like the tooth fairy took your teeth last night."  Then I saw it.  The twinge of dread.  It crept across his face and tears formed in his eyes.  "But Corey, I wanted to show my friends my teeth at school today. I woke up and found $5, that I already put in my wallet, but my teeth were gone."  What?!?  First, I was glad to know the $5, that I was actually looking for, had not been lost.  But second, talk about a curveball.  He was so excited the night before to replace his teeth with some cold hard cash that I never would have thought he actually wanted to keep the teeth!  Thinking quickly I responded with "Remember yesterday when we took a picture of your mouth and teeth to send to dad?  What if I send that to your teacher and you can show you friends that way?"  It took him a minute to decide if this would suffice but I finally saw relief touch his eyes as he verbally agreed on our plan.  Sigh.  

Tooth fairy 4- Corey 1

Being the tooth fairy is hard work.  But I survived.  Wait until next time, I'm like an old pro now! Ha... not even close.   And to my oldest kiddo, thanks for giving me grace as I navigate my new tooth fairy role.  It's a lot harder than I thought!